Today............

I finally had the ability to remember something positive about my childhood. It wasn't told to me.....I remembered it on my own!!! Thank God for his small miracles to help me heal from my childhood!!
CHristi~

24 Hours in the life of a BIPOLAR CHILD..................

This is my time to give you a little information about pediatric Bipolar disorder. My daughter suffers from this dibilitating emotional disorder.
Bipolar disorder (also known as manic-depression) is a serious but treatable medical illness. It is a disorder of the brain marked by extreme changes in mood, energy, thinking and behavior. Symptoms may be present since infancy or early childhood, or may suddenly emerge in adolescence or adulthood. Until recently, a diagnosis of the disorder was rarely made in childhood. Doctors can now recognize and treat bipolar disorder in young children.

Early intervention and treatment offer the best chance for children with emerging bipolar disorder to achieve stability, gain the best possible level of wellness, and grow up to enjoy their gifts and build upon their strengths. Proper treatment can minimize the adverse effects of the illness on their lives and the lives of those who love them.

Families of affected children and adolescents are almost always baffled by early-onset bipolar disorder and are desperate for information and support. In this section of the CABF web site, you will find answers to some of the most common questions asked about the disorder.

How common is it???
How common is bipolar disorder in children?

It is not known, because epidemiological studies are lacking. However, bipolar disorder affects an estimated 1-2 percent of adults worldwide. The more we learn about this disorder, the more prevalent it appears to be among children.

* It is suspected that a significant number of children diagnosed in the United States with attention-deficit disorder with hyperactivity (ADHD) have early-onset bipolar disorder instead of, or along with, ADHD.
* Depression in children and teens is usually chronic and relapsing. According to several studies, a significant proportion of the 3.4 million children and adolescents with depression in the United States may actually be experiencing the early onset of bipolar disorder, but have not yet experienced the manic phase of the illness.
So what is a day like for parents with a child of bipolar disorder??? click the link to find out!
So what can you do to help these wonderful children? Check the link below to find out.
Here is a link to most of the information that was provided today.......

And for a fabulous book that will be a learning experience all on it's own.........


To most people it's an aweful issue children have to face so here is a picture of my daughter to let you know that now BIPOLAR DISORDER has become personal.

Valentine's Day Stinks!!!!!!!!!!!!

Although, thelast four Valentine's days has been a toss up, I wished that someone would have bought me something for Valentine's day. It's as if i meant nothing to Chris the whole 9 years we were married. I do get flustered at times. I've been having dreams lately about the molestation that occured to me when i was preschool age. I think I now need to bite the bullet and make an appointment for hypnotherapy. I believe for the longest time i was not ready to bring this stuff up. I guess one could say that I need my power back from taking all the B$ll 4h!t all this time from everyone. I'm emotionally stable sometimes to a shameful measure. I'm driven to be emotionally distant from everyone! I guess you could argue that not letting people within my heart, making me less vulnerable. I care intensly for people that I truly love. I do believe trusting men with my emotions is very difficult. If I do trust you, I probably will not reveal my true self until you are laudable of those emotions. There are many people that I have given my heart too. Yet, they have not been laudable of such emotions. I think one in particular needs to hear this but I'm so stubborn he may never be informed of what he needed to reveal. I love him with everything i have and regretably that is not enough right now. I must seem as a child to him. What I can tell him is that i'm not as bitchy as i seem nor am I as ruthless and unforgiving. I'm not sure who the true me is anymore. I think I lost that when I was 3, Jimmie took it. I now need to get it back from the bastard so I can move on with my life and enjoy who I am. Who knows I may be able to say Hello to this gorgeous man, from the real me and he may love what he sees then! I don't know how my life will play out in the grand scheme of things. All I know is that i have a great deal That i love. I also want to be loved like I matter in this world. I'll have that one day, I just know it! Btw, Steve, my son and daughter asked how you were today. I told her I didn't know because I don't see you anymore. Alexa asked my why? I didn't know what to say. I don't even understand why. I think I was too close and I didn't want to get any closer to someone who I thought wanted nothing to do with me!!! Oh well, I think we all make mistakes in this life. YOu weren't the mistake, not standing up with my feelings that night was the mistake. I'll regret it for years to come. Happy Valentine's Day all!
I love you,
Christi~

Today last year we buried you! I was so numb!!! Not as numb from the cold and snow but from the lack of feeling that I had! I just didn't know what to feel! I was sad, scared and emotionally drained. I have for some reason always had emotional restraint. You taught me unconditional love but I've yet to master it. I feel so lost in this world. Mom tries to help with her lovely we'll see him again one day. I'm suppose to have strength, love, patience and above all love for myself. This path has been teaching me to stop being fearful and just love myself no matter what mistakes i've made. I made a mistake never telling steve how I felt outloud! I guess I'm suppose to love myself through that. I don't think it would have mattered to him because he doesn't feel as though he need to give that closure! I wish he could! So I'm no longer worried about it. I love Me, I think?? I'm working on the negatives that have taken chunks of my spirit long ago and will continue to pray for everyone that I care about and bring them into my circle of love and divine protection. Maybe one day when I quit seeking him he will come to me when I'm ready. I guess I don't Unconditionally love you yet! That is the problem. How can I fully love someone when I don't love myself. If anything you have given me the hope that I can learn how to love someone without hating myself in the proccess they will go hand in hand! I won't get emotionally hurt in the process!!I love you Al! It is okay to go!! I'm sorry I wasn't there to say goodbye!!I should have myself enough to tell Chris where to go!!! For the rest of my life I'll be indebted to you for such strong lessons from such a young man!
I love you and I Miss you,
Christi~

GOsh the year is getting closer....

....To the anniversary of my step fathers death. At this point I've held names and such on how I feel but it has not helped my soul. Steve.....I wish you were here right now. You are not and that is something that hurts me. I felt stupid to believe that you could care for me in that way. Oh well you seem to be one of those people like SHREK you are like an onion with lots of layers. I have always wanted a prince. I think I love too much sometimes. I chose to love people because that is what God calls us to do. I chose to love you for a different reason. Because i wanted too and probably still do want that love with you. I've stopped contacting you because for some reason you think it's ok to ignore me. Fine ignore me, that doesn't make me go away not does it make my pain stop! I don't understand why you are so angry. I don't love Chris nor did i want to stay around for you to play your little games to see if I am worthy enough for you to trust. This could have been something with a little discretness;which could have happened after I left. For once in my life I have never dreampt about sexuality with a man just a closeness that will probably end stupidly. I don't know what else to say I dumbfounded by your lack of closure. I feel abused by you. Just like Chris, Jimmy and every other man in my life! It always has to be on a mans terms. I'm one of those women who is strong,unselfish, loving and most of all scared no matter how strong I seem. I need understanding and I need a soft place to fall. I was just hoping you could have been that man. I guess I'll never know. I don't have any expectations now. I just need to heal from all of this negativity that has came to pass in my life! To give Al's Memory meaning I am being who I am and taking a step of faith! This is it!!!
XOXOXOXO,
Christi~

I'm having a tough day...

Being a mother of 2 special need children is not easy. I get sad allot and today is one of those days. It all started with a call from my daughter's case manager for her special education. She expressed to me today that Alexa is regressing academically and behavorally. She said that she needed to meet with me and her father. I told her to give me a date and time and if he wanted to show up he would. I told him the date of the conference and I told him I would let him know the time and of course he said cool like he always does. The issue is he conviently forgets and says the day of the meeting that he can't make it and there is not room to rescedule. I'm angry with him at the moment because I'll get blamed like I typically do for Alexa and How I'm not doing right by her. Seems like lately all I do is wake up, clean, get screamed at by him and the children, get dinner, give baths, make sure homework is done, get kids to bed and then I go to bed. That is my day everyday. I don't get a break. I need a break!! I'm so emotionally exhausted. Sometimes I just need to be held and told it would be okay! Thank heaven I have GOD! Sometimes, I just wish I had physical arms to hold me. Now I need to get counseling for alexa and try other attempts at medication. I need to take a detour and get rid of the road that i'm on and try something else!!
xoxoxoxo,
Christi~

Need I say more....

THe altered cat- Peppermint....I'll explain the story tomorrow I believe I'm getting a little sleepy! LOL

Here are the goodies....

with the exception of the ribbon!! This is just a quick sneak peak of what they have coming up this next season!!

#*&! BAM **** poP @%&

What Can I say I had my first publishment last week from like my most favorite Paper company in the world!!
www.bampop.com just check me out in their gallery!
So this is the lo that has now been published and I loved all the goodies they sent me!!!
XOXOXOXO,
Christi~

I met someone.....

I know we are just getting to know each other,but i feel like we have made a connection. I know it sounds stupid and I always have this way of leaping before I should. I guess this is just the romantic in me. I wish I lived in Indiana though. That way I could see his face. Pictures are different because you really can't see what I'm looking for. The touch of his face, the smile when he has a deap, belly laugh or what he looks like when he is talking to me. I'm not totally sure he is my "MC Dreamy" but I hope I get the chance to find out. I'll see if and when he reads this whether he wants more contact over the phone. It isn't a test but this is me. I write about situation, moments or people that matter to me! It was rather funny he wrote me saying that he was interested in me and it kinda freaked me out. I guess you get so used to significant males in your life telling you what you have become is not what they no longer need or want. It took me quite sometime to write him back because I was scared that i was jumping in to quick. I was worried about making the wrong decision. My mom told me that I was just scared because the way this guy sounded he could be good for me too. She was right, I have not regreted writing that first message to him. If I hadn't written him then I would have never gotten the chance to meet someone intelligent, artistic, hardworking and funny. I hope I hear from him this weekend because If I don't my therapist will hear about it next week!! KWIM...lol. For you ezgoingguy I think you could rock my world and i think that is what scares me the most. That you may not feel the same connection that i feel. But I'll take it one conversation at a time. Maybe one day soon will get to meet and see each other!
xoxoxo,
Christi~

I'm so excited.......

Well As of Thursday, January 26th my new Scrapbooking teaching gig started! Now the forum and gallery are up and running and we are now looking for a design team! So here is the link for yal to go and check it out!!
This is for the store : http://www.creativescrapshack.com/
This is for the forum! http://www.creativescrapshack.com/forums/index.php
Have fun ladies and enjoy!!

OMgosh someone needs to smack....

ME!!!! I was just selected as the top 20 for scrapping with the stars on Coordinate Collections. I'm so excited. Check it out.....!






Here it is:
Alicia Merrifield
Amber Curtis
Anna Bjorklund
Catherine Grand-Perret
Christie Wright
Jamie Brown
Jessica Salber
Jill Cornell
Julianna Connolly
Kathy Van Essen
Kristin Baxter
Kristin Schultz
Linda Dias
Mary Jane Field
Michelle Jo Klomp
Mikaela Rudher
Rebecca Bose
Tiffany Bryant
Tiffany Rice
Yvette Patko

Ohh the Humdrum is back.......

And what better way to kick those blues but to take the time for a hot bath and some wonderful ginger and lemon tea!! That will shake these dulldrums away. Plus a little sex wouldn't hurt!! My life has just gotten way more interesting! I have a friend who is just starting a site and today she asked me to design for her company, help her with the kits and do all the classes on her site! I gotta tell you that is the biggest compliment that I could ever receive!! So today I don't think I'll be needing a bath or tea until this wears off! Thanks for the opportunity friend and I am wishing you congradulations and happiness in the world!!! You deserve it 100%. You are one of the most ambitious people I've ever met!!BTW I've always been a dream chaser so here is a pic of me and Donna Downey! Why because I ROCK!! And "I am perfect just the way I create"~Donna Downey

I love this Blog Challenge thing....

I love too have avenues open for me! I enjoy writing and this gives me the opportunity that I love to help others tell what they are feeling! Or something awesome their children are doing now~ I love this because we have so many memories in our minds and If I could have had more with Al I would give anything for it! Maybe I'm in the bargaining stage of loss! I do know when God supplies an opportunity I need to take it!
So what about you what opportunities are you taking that God has given you?
xoxoxoxox,
Christi~

Things my kids say......

Noah.....
Bingo- means that is right; "I'm missin' you alot mommy"; "Mommy my eyes are blurry" he says this when he has trouble with eye contact; "mommy what is wrong with my brain" - this is when he is asking about the autism; "don't let the bugs bite' " Sweet dreams'"- before he goes to bed.
Alexa.....
"you know what"; "like"; " Mommy, can I ask you something"; "what is one test"; " I can't control what I do"and my favorite" Your the best mommy ever"! I love them and they make me happy everyday they are in my life! Being a mother is definitely priceless!

This is my favorite layout! I'll express this by saying that I miss my stepfather everyday that has passed since his death back last Febuary the 8th. I wish I could speak to him now the way we used to. He is that Knight in Shinning Armor to my Mother and whom I would wait for the rest of my life. I wish there were still men out there like him. I'm not sure that there are men like him anymore in this world. Who just make you laugh, love you with everything they have and are always a bit nervous about you hurting them because they feel so much love for you. A man that will cry when he is sad and be who he was. He always used to say if you can't be who you are then who can you be? I always loved that saying. I love to reminisce about what kind of dad he was to me. I'll always remember the Little white house! I spent so much time in it! We had no running water and no electricity and no bathrooms. I remember I was helping Al with repairing something around the house and he asked me to hand him the hammer that was under the bed. I went under the bed to pick up the hammer. He bent down to show me where the hammer would be and then a mouse ran across my hand. I screamed bloody murder, right into his ear. I think he went deaf in that instant. Laughing. He always used to laugh when I would come to visit after that saying the screamer is hear. He was teasing me but I loved it. Me and Al had a bond. I hope that one day I will find a man like him for my children. He knew how to love and he taught me how to as well. So I do love this lo. It may not be the best or the most perfect but the Man I wrote it for was the reason I love it so much!
XOXOXOXO,
Christi~

ok been very busy...

I came home on the 2nd from my mothers house and went right back on the 6th and stayed till yesterday. I just had a weird wedding anniversary. January 3 it was 9 years of Chris and I being married. Fittingly, we have both come to terms with the separation. I might still care for him and possibly still want the good times but he was very honest in saying that the bad times are still to come and he can't change them from happening. His Job is a big problem in our marriage he is never home. I need to understand his point that his job pays the bills but my heart and our home need him in the house more. He says he can't change it and It's not what I need from the marriage. So we are both adults now, very fearful of what will become of us separately. It hurts because I wanted to be married forever. My mom asked me if I wanted the divorce, My response was it doesn't matter whether I want it, it matters whether we can keep the marriage happy and we ourselves can not. I need more! I'll have to move on. I guess this is why they call it irreconsilable differances. Ok enough about that craziness what a crazy bore.
I'll be starting up blog challenges on Treasured scrapbooing Tomorrow- whooo hoooo. So stay tunned for all of that fun.
Ok so I just got my hair colored before the holiday and I'll post a pic that I don't like really to show you what my hair looks like!! Take and throw away the old and bring on the new is what i say!! Laughing! Remember ladies.....YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!
XOXOXOXOXO,
Christi