....To the anniversary of my step fathers death. At this point I've held names and such on how I feel but it has not helped my soul. Steve.....I wish you were here right now. You are not and that is something that hurts me. I felt stupid to believe that you could care for me in that way. Oh well you seem to be one of those people like SHREK you are like an onion with lots of layers. I have always wanted a prince. I think I love too much sometimes. I chose to love people because that is what God calls us to do. I chose to love you for a different reason. Because i wanted too and probably still do want that love with you. I've stopped contacting you because for some reason you think it's ok to ignore me. Fine ignore me, that doesn't make me go away not does it make my pain stop! I don't understand why you are so angry. I don't love Chris nor did i want to stay around for you to play your little games to see if I am worthy enough for you to trust. This could have been something with a little discretness;which could have happened after I left. For once in my life I have never dreampt about sexuality with a man just a closeness that will probably end stupidly. I don't know what else to say I dumbfounded by your lack of closure. I feel abused by you. Just like Chris, Jimmy and every other man in my life! It always has to be on a mans terms. I'm one of those women who is strong,unselfish, loving and most of all scared no matter how strong I seem. I need understanding and I need a soft place to fall. I was just hoping you could have been that man. I guess I'll never know. I don't have any expectations now. I just need to heal from all of this negativity that has came to pass in my life! To give Al's Memory meaning I am being who I am and taking a step of faith! This is it!!!
XOXOXOXO,
Christi~
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