Today last year we buried you! I was so numb!!! Not as numb from the cold and snow but from the lack of feeling that I had! I just didn't know what to feel! I was sad, scared and emotionally drained. I have for some reason always had emotional restraint. You taught me unconditional love but I've yet to master it. I feel so lost in this world. Mom tries to help with her lovely we'll see him again one day. I'm suppose to have strength, love, patience and above all love for myself. This path has been teaching me to stop being fearful and just love myself no matter what mistakes i've made. I made a mistake never telling steve how I felt outloud! I guess I'm suppose to love myself through that. I don't think it would have mattered to him because he doesn't feel as though he need to give that closure! I wish he could! So I'm no longer worried about it. I love Me, I think?? I'm working on the negatives that have taken chunks of my spirit long ago and will continue to pray for everyone that I care about and bring them into my circle of love and divine protection. Maybe one day when I quit seeking him he will come to me when I'm ready. I guess I don't Unconditionally love you yet! That is the problem. How can I fully love someone when I don't love myself. If anything you have given me the hope that I can learn how to love someone without hating myself in the proccess they will go hand in hand! I won't get emotionally hurt in the process!!I love you Al! It is okay to go!! I'm sorry I wasn't there to say goodbye!!I should have myself enough to tell Chris where to go!!! For the rest of my life I'll be indebted to you for such strong lessons from such a young man!
I love you and I Miss you,
Christi~