Falling leaves

I had this wonderful picture of the last leaf on my tree! It kinda signifies the end for me in this house. I know I'm always somewhat sappy! Ha ha No pun intended there! I've lived in this house for almost 7 years. It seems like the past year for this tree has been dreary. Poor tree is healthy just had one bloom on it this year that lasted for about a week. When the leaves started changing it took for ever to change and about 2 days after the tree turned we had a windstorm and blew all the leaves but one out. I decided to take a picture because it seemed to have determination that it could take anything. Reasons beyond my control led me to believe this leaf was sort of a symbol of me. I feel like the determination to stand here and not waver because of forces beyond my control makes me stronger. Yes I cry and yes it hurts. Sometimes though, to become a stronger person, you just have to feel the sad,ugly, hurt and the anger. Music has help me to hold on. I really appreciate where others have been and makes me understand that they know more than myself at times. My music that I'm listening to right now is The Wreckers! There is one song that I love called,"Cigarettes and this old dirt road". That is the way I feel sometimes, to get through the pain of an empty life you just need to wait for someone who will love you because of you not who they want you to be. I've always had difficulty feeling worthy of being loved by any man. Well until I find a man who will love me like I need then I'll continue to smoke and drive. Well those are my thought today! I hope you love the picture!!
XOXOXOXO
Christi~

so ........

Today has been a "crap shoot". I woke up with a miagrane this morning and had I know that it would have been held against me later I would have suffered through it! Well I didn't suffer through it and Chris put the kids on the bus for me. Ohhh I thought he is being nicer to me, WRONG! Well I've been sick lately because of the weather changing so rapidly that I'm starting to come down with a sinus infection. I wish I could take something for it but that means I would get rest. lol. Days like today just seem crazy. OMYGOSH do I need help with these children or I do believe I will lose my mind completely. My son has thrown more temper tantrums today then I would care to talk about to the point I just sit and cry. Oh well he is asleep now! What irratates me the most is I got home tonight from helping a friend with her children and Chris visibly saw how tired I was said nothing. I forgot we are separated now so he has no reason to care anymore, like he ever has. I said I need you to get them to bed tonight he says ok and why I said I'm tired and I'm stressed. He says to me what do you have to be stressed about. Sometimes you just have to just shutup! Well after he got him dressed for bed he looks at me and says you gonna read him a story and I said putting him to bed requires you to read him a story. Then here it comes I guess I should have expected this reaction I've been listening to it for the last 9 years he says and I quote, " I put him on the bus this morning". Spoken like a true sperm donor. I had to walk away! He screams for me because I walked away and I said I didn't realize our children were a part or score keeping. He politely walked into his office and got on the computer where he has stayed for the last hour. I know I made the right decision now.
Christi~

calm

Amazinly enough when the medicine takes affect he is just calm! He is almost like a tornado! They make a great deal of destruction but when they are gone they are gone! Wow now i'm less stressed! Now i do have to go because it bus time for Noah - can you say I'm doing the happy dance...;)

Ok The teachers thoughts on Noah!

As a mother I have had a long road with a diagnosis on Noah. I was told 3 years ago with the school system psychologist that there was no way Noah could be Autistic because he'll hug you! LOL how funny are even the professionals. I've always know that he was on the spectrum. There are just certain things a mom just knows in her gut! It's almost intuitive so to speak. I don't want my son to be an autistic child- I prayed for healing for so long. I'm not in denial like most parents when they take their children to child find. My theory is this I don't want him to end up like his dad and never receive help. I want him to be a smart, loving, empathetic and a social husband. I can stop the circle with him and that is what I want! I may not have had that with my marriage but I don't want him to have the same conflicts as a grown man, that his dad has had over the past 9 years. Here is what I was getting at to begin with , before I got all emotional and sappy. Mr Tim Noah's teacher told me that at the beginning of last year he thought he was ADHD. Although, he said this year he is showing the signs of Autism in the classroom. Poor eye contact, self- stimming-He now has barely and fingernails now- that is what he does he picks his nails. He has been seen rocking, illimination is hard for him still at almost 5 because he is just undersensitive. So we may be unable to potty train the poor child and there is no other recourse there if he just doesn't feel when he has to go. I could spend about $4,000 on a expert but they can't make him feel it to go. Not even OT helps with this sort of problem. Oh well somehow as of yesterday I do feel vindicated and pray that this potty thing gets a little better. Right now he is running through the house like a complete lunatic so I guess that is all for right now!! Thank God for the right people that get brought into your life!!
XOXOXOX
Christi~

Wow ...being a mom

Ok well invitations are going out today! I'm so proud of myself this year! Last year I was so stressed around this time! Amazing what a little bit of separation will do for you. I was able to think! Think about my son and not Chris for once! Last week I was able to set up Noah's birthday party and order his cake! Today I'm sending out his invitations for his party! Most of his little friends are coming because I called them first. Oh this is the joys of motherhood right here. I can't believe he is turning 5! I remembered last night what it was like to hold him in my arms for the first time and it was awesome! I cried for joy that day and i never will forget it! I always had my plans to wait for children after my career! Well I believe God just has this way of planning everything for you! Forget your plans you just don't have any! I think what saddends me about this time of year is I wonder if he understands and knows what this means. He is no longer my baby boy he's turning into a big Kid! I think now that is why I want more children. I no longer have a little baby to hold. They grow up so fast!! Maybe on day that will happen but thank the Lord I have the two that I have. Some people have never expierence the joy of having a child. They may want everything in this world but they are so worth every sleepless night, every dirty diaper and every heartache that I have expierenced in these past 5 years! I know that one day he will be on his own and that is cool! I know for the next 13 years he will be mine to love and teach and I can show him that he is ok just the way he is right now! Well now I have to clean up my face I look like a Dang water faucet! Uggghh Look what Men do to ya! LOL ! I have to get motherly duties done!
Christi~

Wonderful words of wisdom

I found these on a wonderful blog today:
Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

These are so true and they were really cute!!! Thanks so much Carole for your wonderful words of wisdom!
Check out Carole's blog: http://boo-tifullyme.blogspot.com//

Flower Child is Rocking this week!!

OMYGOsh I Just Received my first dt and the site is completly awesome!! I actually felt like they appreciated me! I think I have found my dt match! I will have the opportunity to write articles in their newsletter. I want everyone to check it out because the article this month is creative Journaling!! There is also going to be some great stuff about new products and reviews. So check it out!! www.treasuredscrapbooking.com My profile should be up about December 1st! I would like to give a big thankyou to Katrina this owner just completely rocks!! BTW check out the home page and you'll see my lo on the front page until the end of the day!! There is a new lo of the week starting tomorrow!